Friday, May 25, 2007

An Open Letter to All Asian Actors and Directors Who Come to the US

Go home! Stop making crappy and embarrassing movies! Like Cradle 2 The Grave and The Tuxedo or Miami Vice! They will only give you roles that make you look like a Chinaman. You will always play the bad guy, or the guy who has to die. They will only give you the lead if you can do kung fu, and even if you do play the lead, it is highly probably that the other leading role will be starring Tom Arnold. Or, if you are a lady, you will have to take off all your clothes for the white dude, or do kung fu, or both! And it's equally possible that you will also have to die.

The Asian Diaspora is pretty widespread. There are tons of Asian Americans and Asian Canadians who go back to Asia to become stars. All of them speak English, fluently! (Daniel Wu, Edison Chen, Wang Leehom, Nicholas Xie, the LA Boyz etc.)

The big thing about these Asian stars who want to be crossovers (Jet Li, Jackie Chan, Jay Chou, Chow Yun Fat, Ken Watanabe, Gong Li, Zhang Ziyi, Rain, Utada Hikaru) is that none of them can speak English. And that's the reason given as to why they can't succeed.

There are Asian stars who can speak fluent English because they were born in the West. And y'know, they're never the ones who want to try their luck there. You know why? Because they know better.

3 comments:

Laurel said...

Previews for the new Pirates movie bode ill. Although I can't tell for sure (AND IF ANYONE TELLS ME ANYTHING ABOUT THE GODDAMN MOVIE BEFORE I SEE IT I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL MURDER THEM, DO YOU HEAR THAT EVERYONE WHO READS THIS BLOG?) I think there are going to be some Asian pirates.

I promise a full report after I see it (which won't be for a while). But if their track record is any hint, it won't be pretty.

Nien said...

there are asian pirates from singapore and chow yun fat is the captain!

Anonymous said...

completely and utterly agree about asian actors/directors - jackie chan stop starring in american movies and just put on a red nose and clown the eff out