Thursday, November 24, 2005

More Asian Secrets Revealed

Some of you may remember the last time I talked about those crazy ladies who were trying to sell white people their book, to make your kids as smart as Asian kids.

Here's another one. A book called Japanese Women Don't Get Old or Fat which is supposed to reveal to white people the Asian secrets of staying slim. Whatever, lady, if you think all Japanese people stay slim you ought to meet my uncle Richard.

This mastering of Asian secrets thing makes me nervous. I mean, after white people have taken all our secrets what will they need us for anymore?

7 comments:

mark said...

Sounds like a rip-off of "French Women Don't Get Fat: The Secret of Eating For Pleasure", Mireille Guiliano , Knopf (2004).

Talica said...

I just have to tell you that we burst out laughing and couldn't stop for at least a minute with the ... er ... familial reference. This whole Asian/French youth/fat thing is a lot of quackery. Not to mention that with Asians I think the aging thing is the skin type and obesity is the body type, which is genetically impossible for people who are not Asian. Staying young-looking and healthy isn't a secret but it doesn't sell - exercise regularly, eat a balanced diet, don't drink or smoke, don't bake in tanning parlors for hours and wear sunscreen.

smelly said...

Japanese people stay thin by paying twice as much for half as much food... or so it seems

Anonymous said...

Mark already mentioned French Women Don't Get Fat. The secret? They're really really rich and can buy flattering expensive clothing and fancy foods.

-Jess

Laurel said...

Oh oh Richard oh I am laughing so hard.

Man, that is some fucked up shit.

But Clara, maybe you should jump on this thing. Make up some "Asian Secrets" and sell them. Publish as Chiyoko Iwasaki for added drama. It can be revenge for all the Asians who have been acused of selling American secrets!

Jamaica said...

Wow. That's kind of scary.

What I found more scary were the comments immediately following, though. In the Spotlight Reveiews section, the five-star review contains such gems as:

"In the wake of Mireille Guiliano's runaway best seller, French Women Don't Get Fat and its common sense nudge urging dieters and just plain folk in general to look back to tradition rather than seek out convenience to buttress the pillars of your culinary and nutritional foundation, Naomi Moriyama with her husband William Doyle fire back with enough fact, statistics, recipes, menus and history to send Western Civilization back to the Dark Ages. "

"Naomi Moriyama, a chic and slim 45 year old marketing consultant, doubles as a powerhouse of energy and vitality as she meters out her rebuttal to Mme. Guiliano in a righteous defensive strike of her culture's dietary habits and staples worthy of any 10th century shogun --- i.e. Japanese women live on average to age 85; only a birdlike 3% are deemed obese)"

"Naomi, just gives us a straight shot of brown-rice samurai wisdom backed by enough scientific sources and academic studies that keeps eating plain, simple, and a step above common-sense.. In a way, she kamikazes the competition into the Maginot line by providing more than 30 economical recipes, menu plans, and portion control with internet ingredient URLs provided for easy access to Japanese market staples. The biggest out of pocket expense, besides the price of the book, could be replacing your present dishes with the small and elegant place settings preferred by Naomi's countrymen."

"But will the idea of becoming like the mysterious doll-like Japanese geisha succeed in capturing the attention of an American audience with the same whole-hearted obsession of morphing oneself into a Gitane smoking, cigarette skirted French demoiselle? "

"Although, I would have liked Ms Moriyama to address the issue of menopause and diet and provide a Japanese food pyramid, as a utilitarian manual, the book is a good buy for the money. It's got everything on its side, science, history, and how-to instructions on how to prepare Japanese staples that are unfamiliar to the typical American. I am confident that like Naomi's non-Japanese husband, you will find the pounds melting off by following her centuries-old secrets. Recommended as a lethal weapon in your real food arsenal against weight gain."

[formatting is mine]

...I am officially creeped out now.

Anonymous said...

Next bestsellers:

Cambodian crossdressers dont get black heads and OCD

How to become an Indian roti fryer: A Journey to Success


-Michelle