Conversations from home

My mother (on the phone to the on-call nurse): Well, my toe is all black and bruised, but I don't think it's swollen.
The Loveless Cynic (aka the obnoxious daughter): It's swollen.
My mother: Well, my daughter says it's swollen, but I don't think it is.
The Loveless Cynic: It is.
My mother: Well, I don't know. My other toe looks pretty fat.
The Loveless Cynic: Your toe is swollen, Mom.