It's been (relatively) silent up in here for a while. Perhaps in part to moving and then a low level continuous sick, as well as some preturbing insomnia. However, longtime readers know that insomnia and bitching about insomnia is practically the status quo around here.
The housemates are good, suspiciously good, next week they'll probably turn out to all be some sort of cult or give money to Pat Robertson (like my grandpa!) or something.
The job is challenging. I should really learn how to let things go and not be too stressed out or not get depressed about it. There are some parts of it that are really good. There are parts of it that are not so good.
It's cold and rainy that doesn't help.
Somehow, acting cheerful all the time seems to help, but at the same time, I feel a little disconnected from what is actually going on both outside and inside. I think Haruki Murakami writes lots of books about people with detatchable selves, where things can happen to people, sometimes really horrific things, and it's not like it's happening to them. Not that anything horrific has happened to me, quite the opposite really, but still I feel sometimes like my life is happening to some me that's not quite me, if that makes sense.
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Not that anything horrific has happened to me, quite the opposite really, but still I feel sometimes like my life is happening to some me that's not quite me, if that makes sense.
I feel like this a lot of the time. Now that I have a direction again (career wise) I feel like this less often. But damn, that whole two years of wallowing I pretty much felt like I was watching my life rather than living it (and I felt like that every single day).
Dang, that was me, actually, not Amber.
i've just been feeling like my life isn't happening at all. the days go by like revolutions on a hamster wheel. i just want to be doing something useful. its extra annoying to realize how not good of shape i'm in re grad school etc and how my year of doing carpentry will, if not actually harming my chances at ending up doing what i want to do (whatever that is. god.), not effect it at all. its like this whole portion of my life is edited out, and while i'm not sure i want to go indoors again forever it seems like the things i would be able to do while being outside are either super limited and fought over by people who are far more fanatical than i, or just shitty.
also, it really shows that you spent some formative years in california when you gripe about this glorious autumn weather ;)
I always thought taking up kickboxing would be nice, because we live every day with so many negatives--with rude people, bad days at work, general stress, world hunger...what have you. A lot of those frustrations just get sublimated. we're clearly emotional animals that live in a society that doesnt allow a lot of venting. (understandably so)
-Michelle
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